Matthew Roach

A Missing Name

Nearly three weeks after the funeral, and nearly five weeks after the loss was my birthday. While I never thought anything of it, obviously the loss was in the back of my mind, but that would be the last thing they would of wanted. They would of never wanted me to put them first on my birthday.

My birthday morning started like the past few years, with my son and wife giving me my presents to unwrap in bed, and all was going well. Then I opened one of my cards and there was a only two names instead of three, and it took me by surprise.

I should of known there would only be two, but I am not sure why it hurt as much as it did. It did put a bit of downer on the rest of the morning. It even brought me to tears, which I had to hold back while I was opening presents and cards in front of my son and wife, but after they had left me to get up I had a proper cry.

After being to the funeral and with it being a good few weeks after everything, I was surprised by how much such a simple thing like the name on my birthday card affected me, but looking at it, I’ve never not had a birthday card with the name missing, so the realisation of the loss maybe takes these little things for me to grieve properly.