Matthew Roach

More Loss

Just over two months from my previous loss, I get a phone call with more bad news. This loss was rather strange compared to the previous, completely out of the blue. Me and my wife where on our way to a wedding, which was the start of a few days away, where we would end up meeting with my parents for a weekend break. So when my phone rang around lunch time, just as we had arrived early at the church, nothing was out of the ordinary, the caller was my father, so everything seemed fine, and the last thing I would of expected him to tell me was that my Nan (my mothers, mother) had been found dead in her home.

It has all been a bit strange for me since hearing my dad tell me the news. Not strange in a way that I’ve not been able to get on with stuff, but more strange in a way that I don’t think it has hit me like it probably should have. In bad situations I always try and put on brave face, mainly for the people around me, but this time it was different, I can not put my finger on it.
It’s not as if I wasn’t close with my Nan, but over the last 5 or so years I can probably count on two (possible one) hand(s) the amount of times I had visited/seen her, it’s strange as I’ve been in the town where she lived quite a lot, visiting family, but I always go to my fathers mothers. Which is also the town our family call home.
This town is where I spent the first 9 years of my life, and where both sides of my family all still live. This 9 or so years where all spent within a few doors of my nan as we lived on the same street as her, even when we moved away my mum would bring her to own house for a week once or twice a year for a little holiday.

But, for some strange reason the phone call from my dad did not have a massive impact on me, I felt something but it was not the same feeling I’ve felt before, or with my previous loss. I wasn’t upset in a way I need to cry or completely do something to take my mind of it, neither did I cry, and too be honest I’ve not cried once since hearing the news, even with spending a few hours our holiday with my mum talking about it. I am not sure if this is bad thing, or am I not full accepting of the loss.